You know what needs to be said and done… but it is neither said nor done. You are in the ‘conflict avoidance’ zone.
Nobody wants to fight with their kids or spouse. A little peace and quiet seems like a good thing, a desirable state of affairs. Who doesn’t want a hassle-free morning, an argument-free vacation, a quiet dinner, or a compliant child? We all do; however, avoiding our inner wisdom and going for harmony often leads to bigger conflicts and problems later on. Gratification in the short term can derail our long-term vision and results. Let’s get to the heart of the matter, so we can change it.
1) STOP. You know when you’re going there. You can feel it in your breathing or in the flutter or tightness that settles somewhere in your body. When you become aware of it, stop what you’re doing, stop what you’re saying. Breathe.
3) UNDERSTAND the real message. It’s the voice of truth, not of avoidance and conciliation. The truth may be difficult to say and to hear, but ultimately it does set you free. It will clear the way for understanding, connection, and the next right step.
4) SHARE your truth. If you continue to run from it, it will smother you and your relationships. The key is in how you express it. There are ways to say what you mean with love and integrity, and without judgment and anger.
1) What is an issue that you shy away from discussing, and what is the fear?
2) How does avoiding this issue affect you and your family later on?
3) What are your children learning about how to resolve differences when you react this way?
4) Consider discussing the issue of ‘conflict avoidance’ with family members.
5) Script out what you’d like to say so you can remain calm and stay on topic.