“I tried that once and it didn’t work.” Don’t even think those words!
“I tried that once and it didn’t work.” Don’t even think it, let alone say it! I hear this a fair amount from parents who are always looking for something new, a magic bullet, if you will, to make their kids change their behavior.
How often did you try? Once? Twice? Three times you’re out? I’ll bet if your kid told you she gave up after one try you’d have a fit. Try, try again. Practice makes perfect. Don’t be a quitter. If it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for you. Remember – any expectations you have for your kids you must have for yourself, or you lose all credibility.
One of my favorite mantras is “Repetition is the mother of skill.” You used it to learn to walk and ride a bike, type and cook, speak a first and maybe a second language. You may not always get it right, but you usually get it ‘better’.
The same applies to skills and strategies you use in raising your children. Yes, I know, every so often there is something you need to toss because it really doesn’t work; however, most of the time it is a question of practice and persistence. It takes time for you to master the skill and time for your child to adjust to the ‘new you’, and the new boundaries and expectations you set.
When you find yourself frustrated and ready to give up, remember the hopes and dreams you have for you and your children. Put your money where your mouth is and stick with it. They are counting on you to help them grow up to be confident, resilient and strong.
(If this struck home for you today, please do me a quick favor. There is somebody else you know who needs to hear this, who may have given up too quickly and doesn’t know how to get back on track. You can forward this email, or just post the link for this page (http://www.yourfamilymatterscoach.com/?p=1590) on Facebook and Twitter. Someone will be glad you did.
3) Encourage student-to-teacher communication. It’s time for your teen to be his own advocate. This takes courage, and is an important life skill that will serve him well in the adult world. If there’s a problem with a grade, encourage him to talk to the teacher. Same thing if he needs extra help. He won’t want mom and dad on line with him registering for college courses, or calling the boss about a performance review. Now’s the time to develop that skill.
Scott was grateful to be ‘unplugged’. He felt relieved to not be constantly, instantly connected to his friends. He had two days of not being sucked into the drama of their lives, or having to take sides. He even slept better. (You have no idea how many teens come to school sleep-deprived and lethargic because they are responding to texts at all hours of the night.) Of course, at the end of the three days, Scott was given back his phone… and was happy to have it. And he appreciated the experience.