PARENTING FROM PRINCIPLES
Fearlessly Preparing Your Teen For Life!
When it comes to parenting your teen, do you…
· feel confident, or second-guess your decisions?
· stand your ground, or choose peace and quiet?
· set high expectations, or lower the bar?
· step in and ‘fix it’, or step aside and let it play out?
Raising children is so much more than just preparing them for college. It’s about preparing them for life! Book smarts are one thing. Life skills and productive attitudes are another. You are their most important teacher. That’s a big job, THE biggest job you’ll ever have. What an awesome responsibility!
And it can be less confusing and aggravating when you can rely on your core values, instead of making it up as you go and wondering (and fearing) how things will turn out.
No, there are no guarantees for anything in life, especially child-rearing. There are too many variables, too many hot buttons that you push in each other. But you stand a better chance of bringing out the best in your teen (and in you), when you have an unshakable foundation. In other words, when you parent from principles. That’s where PARENTING FROM PRINCIPLES – FEARLESSLY PREPARING YOUR TEEN FOR LIFE! comes in.
Before you can parent from principles, you first have to
1) recognize how you see yourself and the world.
2) identify what your core values are.
3) be honest about how well you ‘walk the talk’ in living those values.
I started that process when our family was in trouble and we were part of the parenting program at Hyde School. Here is what I learned:
* I’d been much more invested in my son’s education than he was. Therefore, he didn’t have to care. I did the worrying for both of us.
* I set high expectations with my words, but was totally ineffective at helping him reach his potential.
* I taught my children so much about how to see themselves and the world by the way I reacted and responded in difficult situations. I was not confident, avoided conflict, and saw problems as crises.
* They learned many things about relationships (the good and the bad) by watching me and my husband. He and I had a lot to learn about ourselves, about communicating effectively and about not taking things personally.
And here’s the biggest nugget of truth, the one that trumps all others —
Parenting is about us, the parents. About being the best role model we can be. About inspiring our kids and inspiring ourselves. We can’t ask our kids to do anything that we won’t do. And make no mistake about it – kids can spot a double standard a mile away.
So we need to keep working on ourselves, and it will pay off, across the board!
I created this program with the help of Hyde School. My mission is to help you become a fearless, confident parent, full of integrity in your words and actions, bringing out the best in your whole family. I won’t lie – it’s not easy. But you know that already. You also know that when you keep doing things the same way and very little changes, it’s time to try something new.
I can tell you from personal experience that this works… if you work it. This is an experiential series, based on the Hyde School program called © The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have. There are ten principles of effective parenting, and we’ll cover the first five in Part 1 of Parenting from Principles. They are:
* valuing truth over harmony
* valuing principles over rules
* valuing attitude over aptitude
* setting high expectations and letting go of outcomes
* valuing success AND failure
Truth is the underlying foundation. From our words to our actions to facing the reality of who we are and what we struggle with – truth is so much more than not telling a lie. And when we choose harmony over truth (by avoiding difficult issues), we really don’t have harmony anyway. So you’ll look at the truth in your own life – where are you facing it, avoiding it, or just getting by.
Principles over Rules is one of my favorites as a confidence builder in decision-making. Rules help keep order in our lives, but why we have the rule to begin with gives an unshakable foundation. There’s really no reason for the unending back and forth that kids are so good at. Your values say it all. They don’t change on a whim. You’ll build strength and strategies for infusing your values into your parenting.
Valuing attitude over aptitude. Your kids can have lots of book smarts, but a can-do attitude will take them through hurdles that can’t be solved by reading a book or talking to their friends. We’ll look at productive and unproductive attitudes, where they come from and how they are serving you. We’ll also look at how they may be showing up in your kids. Our goal is to shift the focus to productive attitudes in you and your child, so you can all move into positive action. It’s about building on strengths, rather than focusing on weaknesses.
Set high expectations and let go of outcomes. Letting go is one of the hardest things parents have to do. It’s hard for the kids, too. We are a very results-oriented culture. High expectations are essential to developing character; letting go of the outcome gives us permission to also let go of perfection and instead, focus on excellence. When we focus on perfection, many of our children will give up before they even start. We’ll see who demanded your best when you were younger, and if you ever quit on anything. Then we’ll take a look at how this need for perfection may show up in your children. You will learn specific tools and wording to get you started on ‘letting go’ and shifting responsibility where it belongs — with your children.
The fifth priority is Valuing Success and Failure. Success is great, but most of us have learned the most from our failures and struggles. Our kids need to know that sometimes they will fall flat on their face…. that it’s okay, and that they can pick themselves up. They will build strong problem-solving muscles if they know that failure is a learning experience, not a tragedy. You will come away with strategies to let you value struggles, and understanding the amazing learning that takes place.
What becomes really clear is that how WE do life impacts how our kids grow and develop, how THEY do life.
It would be really nice if there was a playbook that we could read, and our kids could read, and then they would just ‘get it’. But there isn’t. And that’s why I created this unique program, PARENTING FROM PRINCIPLES – FEARLESSLY PREPARING YOUR TEEN FOR LIFE!
Parenting from Principles (aka The Biggest Job) is not like any other parenting program out there. There are no one-size-fits-all rules that work for all families, in all situations, with all kinds of kids. You’d have to participate in two or three programs to get the combination of coaching, proven parenting skills and family-based character education in Parenting from Principles. And I know it works, because I’ve lived it!
This series is group coaching. What it is NOT is a 45-minute lecture with some Q&A at the end. It is NOT a lecture.
WHAT IT IS: a personal, interactive, hands-on learning experience. It’s sharing, support, learning, practice, coaching and synergy, in an intimate group (maximum of eight participants).
Here’s what you get when you invest in yourself by PARENTING FROM PRINCIPLES:
* 5 regular one-hour sessions (with the exception of the first session, which is 90 minutes)
* a BONUS 6th session to address individual questions and situations we may not have covered before, and to support you even further in incorporating these new attitudes and skills in your family.
* a copy of the books “The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have” and the “Biggest Job Parent Workbook” are included with your registration. These will be mailed to you.
* all calls will be recorded for the sole use of registered participants.
NEXT SERIES TO BE ANNOUNCED, FALL 2012
Remember, you won’t find another experience out there like Parenting From Principles (aka The Biggest Job © Hyde School). And those of you who have worked with me before know that I am 100% committed to YOU. So reread the material, contact me with any questions, and for heaven’s sake, join me on Wednesdays at 8:00pm for the program that will change you and your family forever and for better.